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The Golden Glaives: Retired Adventurers of the Realm (Or Are They?)

In the sleepy village of Shady Pines-by-the-Sea, nestled between the Daggerwood and the Suncoast Mountains, resides a quartet of legendary adventurers. Their days of slaying dracoliches and infiltrating corrupt noble houses are supposedly behind them—but some say the fire still burns in their seasoned hearts.

Meet The Golden Glaives, the most beloved (and bickering) adventuring party to ever sass their way across the Sword Coast. Whether you’re a DM looking for unforgettable NPCs or a player imagining your next absurd one-shot, these retired heroines have a lot of fight—and a lot of gossip—left in them.

Dorothy the Stern — Human Wizard (Divination)

Tall, sardonic, and intimidating enough to make a balor feel self-conscious, Dorothy is the party’s primary arcane powerhouse. As a Divination Wizard, Dorothy’s signature move is seeing straight through your B.S.—with a rolled-up scroll and a +9 Insight. Her Portent feature lets her interject fate itself into the dice, which she uses primarily to correct her party members when they’re being “utter idiots.”

In her prime, Dorothy could singlehandedly collapse a cult with a well-timed Counterspell and a devastating glare. Now retired, she teaches at a local arcane academy but still threatens to polymorph anyone who misuses a semicolon.

Quotes at the table:
“I foresaw this. I also foresaw you making that idiotic decision. Again.”

Rose of St. Olaf — Half-Elf Cleric (Peace Domain)

Beneath her perpetual innocence and cheerful rambling lies a deeply powerful cleric of the Peace Domain. Rose’s boundless empathy and uncanny ability to make friends with literally anything (including a mimic once disguised as a footstool) made her the party’s heart—and sometimes their buffer against Dorothy’s sarcasm.

Her Emboldening Bond ability was often the difference between victory and total party wipe, and her weird stories from “St. Olaf” (a mythical farming village with incomprehensible customs) somehow always contained oddly specific tactical insight.

Quotes at the table:
“Well, back in St. Olaf, we had a saying: ‘Never anger a goose with a grudge.’ I think that applies here.”

Blanche the Sultry — Tiefling Bard (College of Eloquence)

Was Blanche ever a bard, or was she just naturally charismatic enough to seduce her way past every locked door in Faerûn? With her southern drawl and impossibly high Persuasion modifier, Blanche is the epitome of the Eloquence Bard—she can talk you into bed, into battle, or out of your coin purse, all while adjusting her corset.

Her subclass ability, Unsettling Words, helps the party land their attacks—and in her heyday, that “attack” was often a double entendre. She claims to have seduced a celestial, a vampire lord, and “at least two members of the Council of Waterdeep… but a lady never confirms.”

Quotes at the table:
“Darlin’, you better roll high or roll over.”

Sophia the Indestructible — Gnome Rogue (Mastermind)

No one really knows how old Sophia is. Some say she was there at the founding of Waterdeep. Others say she invented bread. This pint-sized powerhouse is a Mastermind Rogue, and she’s two steps ahead of everyone—especially when it comes to verbal take-downs.

Despite her age and stature, Sophia can still hurl a dagger with deadly precision, and her Help action from 30 feet away usually comes in the form of yelling brutally accurate personal insults at enemies. She claims to have been “smuggled out of Calimport in a wheel of cheese” and “once faked my death to get out of a dinner date with a beholder.”

Quotes at the table:
“Picture it. Baldur’s Gate. 1347 DR. Your mother and I were chasing a lich across the rooftops…”

How to Use the Golden Glaives in Your Game

Drop them into your campaign as a mysterious group of retired adventurers now running a potion & pastry shop (“Glaives & Ganache”) that just so happens to be perfectly placed to pick up plot hooks. Maybe they serve as mentors. Maybe they get kidnapped. Maybe one of them (Sophia, let’s be honest) steals the MacGuffin because “you’re all doing it wrong.”

Plot Hooks:

• Return to Adventure: Rumors stir that an old villain has resurfaced—someone only they ever defeated. They need your players’ help… or maybe they’re just here to show them up.

• Meddling Matchmakers: Blanche decides the party needs to find love and forces them into a magical dating tournament.

• The St. Olaf Festival: Rose invites the party to her homeland’s annual “Fish and Philosophy” day, but something ancient has awakened beneath the fjord.

Final Thoughts

The Golden Glaives are more than a gimmick. They’re archetypes. They’re icons. They’re a reminder that you’re never too old to roll initiative. So next time your campaign needs a little wisdom, warmth, and withering sarcasm, invite the girls in.

Thank you for being a friend. And a tank. And a healer. And a high-damage rogue.

Thanks for reading. Until Next Time, Stay Nerdy!!